“Truly, truly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit. Whoever loves his life loses it, and whoever hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life.” (John 12:24–25)

“Whoever hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life.” What does that mean?

It means, at least, that you don’t take much thought for your life in this world. In other words, it just doesn’t matter much what happens to your life in this world.

If men speak well of you, it doesn’t matter much.
If they hate you, it doesn’t matter much.
If you have a lot of things, I doesn’t matter much.
If you have little, it doesn’t matter much.
If you are persecuted or lied about, it doesn’t matter much.
If you are famous or unheard of, it doesn’t matter much.
If you are dead, these things just don’t matter much.

But it’s even more radical. There are some choices to be made here, not just passive experiences. Jesus goes on to say, “If anyone serves me, let him follow me.” Where to? He is moving into Gethsemane and toward the cross.

Jesus is not just saying: If things go bad, don’t fret, since you are dead anyway. He is saying: choose to die with me. Choose to hate your life in this world the way I have chosen the cross.

This is what Jesus meant when he said, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me” (Matthew 16:24). He calls us to choose the cross. People only did one thing on a cross. They died on it. “Take up your cross,” means, “Like a grain of wheat, fall into the ground and die.” Choose it.

But why? For the sake of radical commitment to ministry: “I do not account my life of any value nor as precious to myself, if only I may finish my course and the ministry that I received from the Lord Jesus, to testify to the gospel of the grace of God” (Acts 20:24). I think I hear Paul saying, “It doesn’t matter what happens to me — if I can just live to the glory of his grace.”

source: http://solidjoys.desiringgod.org/en/devotionals/how-to-hate-your-life

I once was a little child

I cried when I was hungry

Hopefully my mom would come to my rescue and feed me

I cried when I didn’t want to get in trouble

Hopefully the adult would pity me and let me go

I threw a temper when things didn’t go my way

I despised those who treated me ill

but…

but

not now

I can’t do that anymore

As an adult

As a born again

Out of the same spring cannot come bitter and sweet water

Let my yes be yes

and my no be no

Let me show love to the poor and rich

The living and the dieing

Let them see that loving is laying down my life for them

Let me run this race with endurance

As I look to my King and my Lord

Let me walk in His footsteps

Wash your feet

Till the end arrives

I’m not giving up

They can try to kill me

They can try to slaughter me

Unless Christ take me away

I’m going no where

Because

I follow Christ

Follow Christ along with me?

Hands?

Praise Him who brought me out of darkness into marvelous light

Him who did not spare His only Son

But gave Him in as a ransom for my sins

Underserving sinner, blessed servant, forever I stand.

The law of the LORD is perfect, restoring the soul;

The testimony of the LORD is sure, making wise the simple.

The precepts of the LORD are right, rejoicing the heart;

The commandment of the Lord is pure, enlighting the eyes.

The fear of the LORD is clean, enduring forever;

The judgements of the LORD are true; they are righteous altogether.

They are more desirable than gold, yes than much fine gold;

Sweeter also than honey amd the drippings of the honeycomb.

Morover, by them your servant is warned;

In keeping them there is great reward

-Portions of Psalm 19

This truth is not current truth in my heart and mind

To desire Your Word more than gold?

I don’t. So make me, give me, please LORD.

Let the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart be acceptable in Your sight, O LORD, my rock and my Redeemer.

I ask and I plead of You, my King.

When it comes to the days

My soul is so weary and tired

I look to myself and I think

What am I

I am but a breath right?

What am I ?

I am but dust

Do I know Who holds me in His hands?

That I am not my own?

That He bought me with a price?

Have I not seen the grace and mercy that daily, daily He pours out onto me?

This breath - grace.

This hair - grace.

Stomachache - grace

School - grace

How could my heart ever express how much I love my Savior?

How could my life ever tell of the story of my King?

How could tomorrow be a day that I am not stagnant,

but in deep adoration of my Lord,

How can tomorrow be a day that I know my LORD more?

How can tomorrow be a day not wasted on myself but used for His glory?

Could I cut of my hand that sin and oh

Just praise You, my King?

I am speachless…

Looking back at each event in my life

I can but fall to my knees

and give You praise and worship

Speechless I will remain

Till You come back

Let this life be honoring to You

or else…

let me die.

For to me to live is Christ and to die is gain - Phil 1:21

The LORD of heaven stepped down into this earth. He changed the colors. He painted new stories. He made the news. He was  thrown into jail. He paid the penalties. He endured the lashes and the hatred. He endured the rebellion, my rebellion. He took upon all my sins I would ever commit, and placed it upon Himself. He showed me what love is - to lay down my life for another.

AGAPE. I don;’t know what this is. I’ve never seen it, but I’ve tasted it. I’ve felt its warmth. I’ve tasted its tenderness. The rainbow it brings about.

LIFE sucks at times. When what I love usually causes me to fall, causes me my body, health and my mind, for example nursing school. Contradicting myself, I love what I hate. But I love it more than I hate it.

CHRIST. He is all that is worth living for. This breath if it doesn’t bring Him glory, better off be kept silent.

My FEELINGS. Doesn’t matter how I feel, to some extent. Though I’m tired and feel lazy, I will be diligent. Though my heart feels far from my Love (Christ), my hands and my mind will force my heart to obey Him, read His Word and obey Him.

CONCLUSION. It doesn’t matter what it is in life, what is before me. Praising and worshipping that awesome King, you saw coming, riding on a donkey. The One you saw hanging on the cross, spit on, ridiculed, that awesome Father of mine - worshipping and praising Him, obeying Him is no choice for me. it is a must, it is a command.

So let’s run this race with endurance, oh all you awesome Christ followers. Let’s leave a legacy where our face and name would not be remembered…but people would remember seeing, feeling, talking to Christ and meeting Christ through our lives. C’mon let’s radiate the light of the Son. Let’s sell all we have, let’s use all the potential we have, see the Gold in the field, and buy it up for ourselves. Delicious. Beautiful. Outstanding. Yup, that’s my Father.

Please ask me if you ever wonder. I’ll share my Love with you, for sure. :)

Soli deo gloria. Praising the Lord forever…

My faithful Father, enduring Friend
Your tender mercy’s like a river with no end
It overwhelms me, covers my sin
Each time I come into Your presence
I stand in wonder once again

CHORUS:
Your grace still amazes me
Your love is still a mystery
Each day I fall on my knees
Your grace still amazes me
‘Cause Your grace still amazes me

Oh, patient Saviour, You make me whole
You are the Author and the Healer of my soul
What can I give You, Lord, what can I say
I know there’s no way to repay You
Only to offer You my praise

It’s deeper, it’s wider
It’s stronger, it’s higher
It’s deeper it’s wider
It’s stronger, it’s higher
than anything my eyes can see

[x]